My Friendship Mantra #3: Do NOT Look for Your Mirror Image!

During the second week of my MBA, the professors dropped a bombshell on the cohort. Instead of our ‘friends’, we would be put in a group with random people. These groups would team up for the biggest project of the academic year. By then, all of us had found ourselves in different social groups: by personality, ethnicity or common interests. The MBA cohort had people from 20+ different nationalities. Each ‘new’ team had folks from different countries, age group and backgrounds.

                So, how did this social experiment turn out? At least in my team’s case, it was a DISASTER. We were all so used to studying and working with people like us that we didn’t realize the HUGE differences. We differed in terms of punctuality, division of labor and accountability. Add in different personality types and you have a volatile mix. [We actually ended up getting a big, fat ZERO for the project, but that’s another post!] But what was a failure in terms of grades was an incredible win in terms of life lessons. The experience taught me that working and dealing with people different from you should be the NORM and not the EXCEPTION. This is true not just for school or work, but also friendship. We failed not because we were different, but because we didn’t know how to capitalize on our similarities and mitigate our differences.

From the time we’re toddlers, we seek people that are like us. Alike in personality, in behavior and maybe even in looks. If you go to a kindergarten, you will see rowdy boys jumping in a corner and some quieter ones playing with blocks in a corner. In schools, you will see a variety of cliques. Nowadays, you can belong to a few different groups and break stereotypes, but generally birds of a feather flock together. The studious ones will stick together and so will the back benchers. People from the same community or ethnicity will also form a group. These groups provide a safe haven and a common ground.

Look at yourself in the mirror. No, I won’t ask you to repeat – “I love you!” I have tried that and it just makes me laugh. What do you see in the mirror? Do you see a happy go lucky person staring back at you? Or is that person an introvert that prefers the company of books rather than people? Are you a party animal or someone that loves animals? [I see a hardworking, stubborn person with sun spots who apparently looks like she’s from Ecuador!]

Here’s my suggestion. This is relevant esp. if you are in a new place or at some event. Do NOT look for people that are like you, escape from that comfort zone. [I am not suggesting you run away from folks of your community]. But take the opportunity to know someone completely different from you. Once you keep your mind open and take that risk, you will open a world of possibilities. Once you STOP looking for your mirror image, you can explore and fully appreciate the diversity that exists in the world in terms of cultures, ideas and personalities. Trust me on this: The best conversations and the best friendships I’ve had are with people that look or act nothing like me.